“I’m good, I just… I have anxiety”, Kim K.
When people meet me for the first time, their first impression of me is usually that I’m chill. “Apes you’re so chill.” “I love how chill you are.” That’s what they say. It’s cute, but they’re so wrong. Externally I suppose I seem put together and go with the flow. Internally however, I am a train-wreck of ‘what if’s’ and ‘what’s next’. Kim Kardashian said it best, “I’m good, I just… I have anxiety.” (1)
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I found out I was an anxious person my first year at university. One of my flatmates and I were up late one night (just like every night) talking and laughing, avoiding sleep and coursework, oversharing and overeating.
I was worried that night, who knows about what, probably about an exam grade or a boy, and said something along the lines of, “I am literally always worried about stuff, why aren’t you?”
My friend Amy said, “I just don’t think that way. I have an exam in the morning but it’ll be fine. I just don’t think like that.”
That moment hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought everyone’s brain worked just like mine… Constantly racing, never settled, always thinking about what comes next and how things will turn out. That’s the night I knew I had anxiety.
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My understanding is that anxiety is a spectrum. (2) There are the feelings of anxiety, like fear or worry. There are the physiological displays of anxiety, like a racing heart or an uncontrollable shaking foot. Then there are the thoughts of anxiety, like self doubt and ‘I’m gonna fail.’ These feelings, physical symptoms, and thoughts are all normal in moderation. We all experience these to some degree. However, when a combination of these move so far along the spectrum that it disables our performance, that’s when it may step into more of an anxiety disorder.
I’m not going to address anxiety disorders here. It’s a bit above my pay-grade. BUT, I do want to say that an anxiety disorder is not something to be ashamed of. It is a mental health issue and you should feel not shame in addressing that with a professional. It’s just some chemicals being mixed up in your body or heightened worry that needs to find a way to be managed.
Actually, anxiety in itself is a survival instinct. It is a part of our ‘flight-fight-freeze’ response, which literally helps keep us alive. (3) It is just a reaction of the brain responding to our perception of danger. However, when something simple like the day to day things in our lives read as ‘danger’ and we respond with anxiety.... That’s when it can become a problem.
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Anxiety is not a definer, it is hardly even a trait. It’s either a mental disorder or it’s a symptom of something deeper-- a lack of peace. That’s what I want to address.
When we feel worry, fear, or anxiety we need to find the remedy to that. The opposite of those things is PEACE. Ease, calm, contentment. Peace. But how do we get it?
I’ve looked for peace in lots of places. Alcohol, friendships, being held, food, razor blades, long car drives, music, Parks and Rec, relationships, in striving to organise my life just right… Some of them work for a time. But none of them have lasted long.
There’s really only one thing that’s worked for longer than a couple days. The Bible says, “Jesus is our peace.” (4) It calls him the God of all comfort. (5) I’ve found it to be true.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
If you’re a Christian, we are told to take the bible at its word (6). And this word says that God gives us peace when we give him our anxiety. A fair trade, I’d say. If you’re not a Christian, I can’t tell you to simply believe these words. I can only share with you the comfort I’ve found in them. I’ve found that in handing over my anxieties, simply by speaking them to God, I have found peace. A peace that lasts and heals. I’ve also found joy. A joy that lifts the weight of worry. I’ve also found love. A love that cancels out fear.
To end, I just want to restate that anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s something to be addressed. If it’s hindering the way you live your day to day, I’d encourage you to seek peace in Jesus. It’s worked for me and some friends I know. If it persists, I would encourage you to seek out a professional. I’ve done both, and both have helped massively.
1 - https://www.instagram.com/p/B-SO81mDtka/?igshid=1dmz0wmcwhs2x
2 - https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/do-i-have-anxiety-or-worry-whats-the-difference-2018072314303
3 https://mft.nhs.uk/rmch/services/young-people/anxiety/
4 - Ephesians 2:14
5 - 2 Corinthians 1:3
6 - Hebrews 11:1-6